Not like anybody reads xanga anymore, but I'll humor myself.

Well, I'm all moved in. It's everything I thought it would be, but still pretty scary. I don't like sleeping in a big bed with the sound of my ancient fridge humming all night long. Lately I've been trying to hang out as much as I can with friends and stuff on my days off so I don't have to spend time alone up there. Feeding myself isn't that hard, although I'm guessing I'll wake up one day and have 20 extra lbs hanging off of my ass from all of the junk food and pizza that I eat.

Speaking of pizza, I hate it. I'm on the job hunt again, unfortunatly. Finding a new one sucks, especially when you for sure need at least 35-40 hours a week to cover your rent. I've applied at a few places, none of them being fast-food related (which would be a great change of view). I'll just have to see how everything turns out.

Well, I guess that nothing else is really new or going on in my life. I'm pretty excited for thanksgiving dinner, eating a lot, and seeing old friends who are home from college.

Well, I guess that's it, have a happy thanksgiving everybody! Eat turkey!

-kate

 It's official! Like, as official as it gets.

I move in november 1st!

Don't know HOW I'm gonna get my mattress up there, and I still have a ton of stuff to buy. It's wierd, thinking about all of the stuff you normally take for granted and now I have to buy it for myself. I still have to get:

*A shower curtain

*Hand/bath towels

*Sheets/quilt/pillowcases (...ok...so I don't HAVE to buy that, but I want new ones......prefferably green. )

*saucepans, frying pans....cooking shit.

*...decorations? I suppose I'll have to come up with a 'basic color scheme' or something like that. (GREEN.)

*Curtains (the ones there already are nasty and  omit an unpleasant odor that reminds me of the former tenant's horrible tobacco addiction.)

Not to mention the 'as needed' sort of things, like toothpaste, shampoo, soap, and...oh yeah, food.

Well, this should be fun. Excited....but nervous. I'm just hoping I'll be able to handle it all!!!

Does anybody even read this anymore?

Myspace now owns the world, pretty much.

Well, things have gotten better at work, I'm working like 30 hours a week now, which isn't really all that much when you consider the fact that that's all I'm doing right now...no college. Which everybody else is busy with, and how wierd is that? I feel like everybody's growing up and I'm not. I don't want to get left in the dust. Then again, I just want to GET OUT of this house, which is kind of impossible, so I'm settling for the next best thing. I don't know, I'm assuming that I'll get sick of the whole 'bwahahaha freedom' thing and decide it's time for college soon. But seriously, what's the rush? Why this year and not next year? Why is everybody in such a huge hurry to be in a ton of debt?

I don't get it.

Things are going good with my porkchop too. He's adorable. He's also going to college. Another thing about that is I'm scared I'll never see him, since I'll be so busy with my stupid little job and he'll be busy with his job AND school, and I really don't want him to not have time to hang out with his buddies, so where do I fit in?  I hope that all works out.

Well, I guess I'm outie for now, holla' if you wish.

Things have NOT been so good lately.

Everything started on thursday, when Anna left for Equador. I felt like such a bad friend, I hadn't seen her or spoken to her in like a month, becuase I'd been working constantly and she'd been volunteering in Michigan. And she just calls me (it was like, 2:20) and was like "I'm leaving for Equador at 3!!!". I had no idea she was leaving so soon, it just snuck up on me. And she invited me to hang out before she left but, like always I had to work.....so yeah, she stopped by to say goodbye to me and as soon as I saw her I just lost it....like I knew I would. There was so much I wanted to say to her, like how much I admire and respect her and how beautiful she is, inside and out, and how greatfull I am that she's ALWAYS put other's needs before her own, but all I could do was cry while she hugged me (like she'd always do when she's seen me cry) and laughed at how emotional I am (also, like she'd always do when she's seen me cry). I knew that I could always mail her everything I wanted to say to her or somthing, but I just wanted to say it, right then and there....but that just made me cry harder. All I could manage out was "........your a.....good person." Which made me feel completly dumb.......but yeah. I felt (and still feel, I guess) just like a big jerk. A rotton friend. I hadn't hung out with her (or any of my other friends from back in the day) in what seemed like a century. I feel envious about the friendship that she has with everybody else, where she takes care of them and they take care of her, and it's like they give and take 50/50.....with us, it was always her looking after me, and me going off and doing the selfish thing, doing whatever I wanted, and yet she'd always stay with me and be there when I came back hurt (like everybody would predict). So.....I guess you could say that whole situation sucked (and still does suck).

And so on friday, I came down with the flu (Not like that was hard, since I live in like a petri dish of bacteria) and HA, just my luck, I was schedualed to work untill 2 in the morning, my first official night closing as manager (meaning I had to do EVERYTHING by myself which was pretty scary to think about). So I take 2 ibeprofin and was OK untill like 8:00 when my fever came back, which at that point I just sort of wandered around Papa Johns like a zombie untill it was time to close, and even then by the end of the night the store cash was $8.00 short (Actually, that's not too bad all things considered). I got home at about 2:15 and for some strange reason (must have been the fever) I spent a good 10 minutes getting rid of the blackheads on my nose with the end of a bobby pin (I'm sorry that I just grossed out about everybody that's reading this). After realizing what I was doing, I decided to take my temperature. I tiptoed through my house trying to find a thermometer that wasn't a rectal one, and when I finally did and took my temperature it was 102. somthing...then I went to bed and slept untill 2, only to get up and go to work at 5, still feeling like crap. So yeah. My weekend was a blast.

My throat is still sore and my muscles are still kinda achy, but the whole head pounding/fever with the chills thing is pretty much over, which I couldn't be happier about. I think I'm about to be bombarded with all kinds of mucuses though...I can feel it.

Is the plural for mucus muchi or somthing?

I'm being bombarded with muchi.

K, I'm done, good night.

Ok, so a lot has changed.

I'd like to start off this entry by saying that I'm no longer going to Oak Hills this fall....or any other time for that matter.

I thought about how much I'd have to take out in student loans for the two years alone.....18,000.

That's a big number....and it's only half of what so many people that I've talked to consider to be a decent college education.

Then I thought about the reasons about why I was going to college. The main one was to get away from my house, to get out on my own, make my own choices.....FREEDOM. But come on now, lets face it, going to a bible college isn't exactally going to give me what I want. And for anybody who goes there that reads this, I'm not saying that you have no freedom, because you do, and you had the freedom to make the choice to go there. And it's a great place, really it is. Butttt...not for me.

Plus.........I think the reason I even applied there was to prove to everybody that I COULD get into college. But what kind of reason is it to go to college just because 'everybody else is doing it'? SO, if anybody thinks the only reason I'm not going is because I couldn't make it in, bite me. I'm in the top half of my class and got a 23 on my ACT....I could make it if I wanted.

Plus, if anybody read my last entry, you'd know that I'm not happy with the idea of leaving Adam here. I'll admit, when we first started dating, that would have been fine, and we probably would have gone our seperate ways. In all honesty, I was scared to admit to myself that I was getting into a serious relationship, because of what happened to my last one.  But I realized that there are big choices that may not seem big at first, and years later they leave you playing the 'what if' game. And I'm going to say it.......and right now I couldn't care less what anybody thinks. I don't care if you think I'm too young or too stupid or too naive to say this.......but I am in love with Adam. Not everybody falls into fairy-tale love at first sight. This kind of took it's shape after a few months. And I couldn't be happier about it.

So, now I again have to face the inevitable question that everybody has to ask....What am I going to do with my life?

Here's what I have so far.

For those who don't know, we have two apartments upstairs that my mom rents out. This fall, I'm moving into one of them and paying her rent. I've recently learned that a manager position opened up at Papa Johns, and if I get it that would mean a raise AND going full time, which would cover my rent and you know, the little luxuries like food and such. 

So, that bides me some time with trying to figure out what to go to school for. Which, if everything goes according to plan, I'll start next spring.

And guess what? I'm really excited. More excited then I was about Oak Hills. I had a lot of mental conflicts up until now, and now I'm really happy.

If anybody doesn't like somthing that I said, then fine. Say that working at Papa Johns is stupid, say that it'll never work out between me and Adam, say that if I take one semester off I'll end up never going to college, or say that renting out an apartment right above my old bedroom doesn't count as moving out.

You know what I say back?

SCREW YOU. I'm happy.